Day 1-3

I thought the storm has pass but in actual fact its the calm sea before the thurderstorm... he has lost himself in the storm...

Yesterday night was the longest nite I have felt after so long... it feel like my heart stop beating... everytime I close my eye I keep crying...now I write this with a numb heart... the night has engulfed my heart...

I don't know what to do... Does he mean he lost his way, he no longer feel the same for me anymore? Although he keep saying he is still there, just himself lost. But its so hard for me not to think that this relationship is coming to an end... the more I think, the more I'm trying to hide inside my hermit shell... hide inside forever, dont want to come out. The room is quiet, all I can hear is the renovation noise outside my window. It's so unbearable... how long must I wait? How long will this end? Will I too be lost in this path when U finally find yourself? I really dont know, things will still be the same. Prehaps by the time you find yourselve, I'm already long gone...

"Thinking of you whenever your are... I pray for our sorrow to end & hope that our heart will blend. Now I will wait for you to come back to realise this wish. And who knows, starting a new journey may not be so hard or maybe it had already begun..."

What more can I do? All I can do now is pretend you still around, pretend that everything is normal, pretend that your are busy with your work... pretending I hate pretending, pretending will make me get use to it. Just like I'm getting use to not having you around. But this time round, you say you need a break...

How to mend a frozen heart? Dig out my heart n put in the sun? Put in the oven n bake it? Or just ignore it? I think ignoring it is the best. I believe that in a life you will love 3 person. The first person will let you understand the meaning of love. The second person is be loved. The third person is the one you want to spend your life with coz you have alraedy understand the meaning love and be loved. You are the third person, but I doubt I will be able to be a happy girl- married down the isle, have a home of my own, have loads of kids running around in the house. N not to think that to hold hand in hand till the end of time... there I go again been negative again...

Ever since I start blogging what I wrote is nothing about happiness but all about sorrow and pain. When will the time, I will be able to date my joyful moment with you? our happiness? our laughter?

Will I be able to see you this year anniversary? You promise me it will be unforgettable. N I think it will, coz we won't be celebrating no more...If that's the case, I wish you well and happy. Thank you for all the happiness that you have gave me, the wonderful memories that you give me. It won't be forgotten like others nor buried away, it will always be remember...

Will I be able to see the moon with you? Thought we going to see pooh bear at the chinese garden? Play candle at the beach? Eat and drink under the moon? Will we...

Will I be able to go NZ with you? see the snow mountains and the blue water? Cuddle under the fur to keep ourselves warm? Throw snow ball at each other? Will we...

There is too many things that I want to do with you... will we be able to do that? I don't know, I really don't know. Time seems to engulf my wholeself, my confident, my heart, my love... slowly eating away... will I still be here when u find yourself? Will I too be lost and drift away by the storm...

I hate it to be like that, I hate the dreadful time, the pain, the irony, the coldness that is engulfing me, eating me away, difting the distance further away from you...

I hate the hp... the waiting for you to pop me a message. I hate the feeling...

Prehaps I have alraedy start losing myself... I wish you to save me out of this, out of this pain I'm going through...